“Sorry, can I get this in a different size?”
“Am I bothering you? I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry my dog isn’t normally like this.”
We’ve all heard the repetivie string of apologies from friends, family and strangers. Or, maybe you’re on the other side and it’s YOU who has every second word being sorry.
Out of all the things you could be doing wrong, don’t stress this is at the bottom of the list, or not even on the list at all. Saying sorry is good manners, but as always too much of a good thing doesn’t make it better.
What You Shouldn’t Apologise For
So this article is not to demonise apologising for things, it is still a very needed and very polite thing to do. Bu saying it too often not only reduces its meaning and sincerity but can stem from other problems in other areas of your life. Here are some things you shouldn’t apologise for;
- Something you didn’t do
- Something you cannot control
- When someone else does somethig
- Requiring assistance
- Appearance
- Feelings and emotions
- Not knowing something
So at the end of the day you are allowed to look however you like, feel whatever you are feeling, and it’s fine to have your preferences and these are not things you need to be saying sorry for.
Why Apologising Too Often Is A Problem
Below will be some reasons for maybe why you might be whipping out the ‘S‘ card too often.
- Maybe you want to make sure everyone likes you and that they are all happy, let me be the one to tell you this is an uphill battle
- You’re just shy and don’t think too highly of yourself
- Being uncomfortble or in a new situation, this is common we’ve all been in this situation
- You’re trying to be overly perfect
As we spoke about above the biggest reason why over-apologising can be an issue is that when you really need to say it, you’ve muddled down it’s meaning. You have been saying it left, right and centre that it doesn’t have the same meaning anymore.
How Do I Stop Saying Sorry?
The solution unfortunately isn’t as easy as “Take a deep breath, check where the constellations are, analyse their emotions and then you’ll know”. Analysing yourself to find out when you should apologise requires alot of self relflection, listening and slow methodical thought. And I don’t mean put on a fake beard and don a pipe as you pontificate deep thoughts!
Just take an extra few seconds to think about the situation to really see if an apology is necessary. Did you offend someone? Did you do something wrong? These questions will slowly help you progress to value your apologies again.
Conclusion
To conclude only you can know if you are saying sorry too often and only you can make the change. If you are having trouble speak to a mental health professional and ask them for help, they are more helpful than we know.
